This morning NPR and the TV News carried a story that Federal authorities in the United States are concerned that terrorists might be planning to use lasers crash airliners by blinding their crews during landings. The stories mention a case where a Delta pilot reported eye damage while being exposed to a laser beam while landing in Salt Lake City.

More distressing is what the reports dont contain. It’s well known in some circles that terrors have designs on using weather control to wreak havoc on our nation. Others are working on animal mind control to turn our pets against us.

However the greatest risk during the Christmas season, when most God-fearing households in the nation bring pine and fir trees into their homes, is plant control.

In the early 1990s, Ben Edlund produced a documentary showing successful efforts of a shadowy figure he called El Seed, to corrupt vegetation into a ruthless army of destruction.

The documentary ended with the defeat of the plant army at the hands of US friendly forces, but El Seed’s whereabouts were unknown. Now, US officials now believe that El Seed is traveling under the name of Al Sayed, and has been mentioned in numerous Al Qaeda intercepts. They believe he has been perfecting a new, more robust, technique of plant control in the desert climate of the Middle East, and is now prepared to unleash the lush vegetation we’ve invited into our living rooms upon us.

Administration officials are at loose ends on how to thwart the attack without causing a widespread panic which could ruin the Christmas shopping season and wreak catastrophe among major Republican contributors like Hallmark, Wall Mart, Target, Circuit City, and 3M, who makes the Scotch-brand tape used to seal the wrappings on 89% of Christmas presents during the holiday season.